Abstinence advocate and Fox News contributor Steven Crowder has FINALLY LOST HIS VIRGINITY AND IT WAS AWESOME!!! His latest gag inducing column, "Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way." is all about how the post-nuptial bliss that he and the Mrs. enjoyed was due to their pre-marital avoidance of any sexual contact whatsoever and that, according to Crowder, included not engaging in Bill Clinton style oral gratification. Nosiree, Crowder didn't do the nasty before he put a ring on it and if he can do it, so should you.

And, ladies, if you do succumb to your base carnality, and start "schtupping" you're a ""floozie." You guys, however, are just engaging in "pathetic sexual conquests." Crowder is proud of "doing it right." (Just missionary?) and as such his wedding night was "amazing" starting with Crowder carrying the new Mrs. Crowder (the former Hilary Korzon) over the threshold of their hotel room on their way for a little "nightcap."